What Hurts the Most
by xBloomStarx
Summary: The secret ending of what happened after the defeat party of Baltor. Sparxshipping pairing. Don't read if you are against the couple. Song-fic.


**_What Hurts the Most_**

_"I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days"_

Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me

I stared outside the window of the dorm room, watching the rain fall out of the dark sky. The rooms were empty because they were already down at breakfast. I had decided to stay back because I needed time to be alone. Time to let the tears out.

Just yesterday the Winx and I finally defeated Baltor. Everybody was celebrating and congratulating us for our victory. I told them all that it was no big deal, but they kept coming. Every time they came it made my heart wrench even more than it already was.

Tears had been flowing out of my blue eyes since last night. Ever since we got back to Alfea and into our dorms to say hello to the nighttime sleep. I thought that it would be easy for me, but it wasn't. I spent the entire night crying my eyes out silently and Flora never heard one bit of it.

Knowing that Baltor was gone was a relief to everyone. Everyone but me of course. I know I should be feeling relief too but instead I was felt guilt, pain, sick, and sorrow. Then I asked myself one question quietly, "Why did I destroy him?"

Before we had went to bed the other night, I could tell that Flora knew something was up.

The previous night . . .

"Bloom, is something wrong?" Flora asked me while I slumped down onto my bed.

"No," I replied with a cracked voice. "Why should anything be wrong? We just destroyed the most dangerous threat to the entire Magical Universe and you think something's wrong with me?"

"Well, you just seem kinda down. You've been teary-eyed ever since we entered Alfea. Are you sure you're okay? Did you get injured and you're just not telling us? You're always the one to do something like that."

"No."

She sighed. "Okay then,"

Present time . . .

I had lied. I was injured. But what was injured was something that could never be healed, mended, or stitched up -my heart.

_"What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do"_

That night, we were so close. There were so many things that I had wanted to tell him. Things that I had wanted to tell him ever since we first officially met on Tides. But every time I had just let him walk away. And the one time I could tell him in private about how I really felt about him . . . I sent him to his new exile - his death.

All that time, I had wondered if he had felt the same way about me. But now, I guess I'll never know. There was no way I could tell him now.

A knock suddenly came from the dorm room door.

I ran over to the door and swung it open. I had hoped that it was Baltor returned from the dead or something but me and you both know how stupid that sounds. So, I guess you could say I wasn't exactly surprised when I saw Flora standing in the doorway.

"Are you coming down sometime? Class starts in fifteen minutes." She then squinted her eyes at me. "Were you crying?"

"No." I said a little bit too quickly.

She gave me a suspicious look but shrugged. "Okay then. Now come on, Stella's gonna be mad if she has to enter Griselda's class alone."

"Do I look okay first?" I said straightening out my new T-shirt.

"It's a different look, but if it's cool with you then okay."

It was a different look for me I must admit. I don't think I had ever worn black in my life -except whenever I was Dark Bloom. My Mad Hatter T-shirt from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland was sort of wrinkled a little and my skinny jeans were solid black with some rips in them. The black Converse wasn't different though. I always wore those. I didn't go anywhere without them. My make-up was darker than I usually wore it but I didn't care.

I nodded and followed her out of the dorm and down the hall. People cheered for us as we walked and I cringed at the sound. Another rip in my heart.

_"It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doing it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, living with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken"_

I saw Stella dressed in her usual attire (green mini dress with pink stripes) standing outside of the classroom. One of her eyebrows perked up once she got a simple glance at me.

"What's up with the black?" She asked me.

I shook my head. "Nothing, it's nothing." I muttered in a crackly voice.

She took a quick glance at Flora with a questioning look but she just shrugged as well. "Whatever floats your boat."

I trailed after Flora and Stella as we took our seats with the other Winx members in the back of the room.

They all looked at me but then looked back forward. I guess they all still remembered what had happened with me this morning. Guilt had taken over this morning and I had been throwing up for an hour in the bathroom. Their first reaction was to take me to the nurse but I told them that it would be for nothing.

Griselda started teaching the class but I wasn't paying much attention. Instead, I was just staring at the wall behind her. Hearing her lecture the entire class and then yell at the Winx and me was definitely not going to help my situation.

Apparently, I was thinking about Baltor for way too long because the bell rang signaling that class had ended.

I immediately got up and stormed out of the room with tears in my eyes. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't care if I had left all of my stuff in there, I just wanted to get out of there.

"Bloom, where are you going? Why are you crying?" I heard Stella yell to me from behind. "Hon, second period is the other way!"

I ignored her purposely. I didn't want any of them to see me like this -a wreck.

_"What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do"_

Everyone that was in the halls -including the teachers- stared at me strangely as I continued to dart down the halls. They all kept asking me what was wrong but I ignored them as well. I just continued running.

Eventually, I made it outside onto the raining courtyard and out the fairy wing-shaped entrance gates. Mud splattered on my shoes as I kept running through the wet dirt. My clothes were soaked with rain water and tears as I reached my destination. It was deep in the woods but it wasn't a secret place. It was Lake Chrysalis (A/N: I'm not sure where the lake was in "The Spell of the Elements" but just bear with me here please.). The place where Baltor had magically pulled me down through the lake bed and tried to kill me.

. . .

What? Don't give me that look. Yes, I love that guy that has tried to kill me on numerous occasions but who cares?

The pain of not telling Baltor that I had loved him sent me into more tears as I knelt down by the lake and cried my eyes out even more than I had in all the past ten hours.

_"I'm not afraid to cry  
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days  
Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do"_

I knew that he couldn't hear me, but I whispered it anyway, "Baltor, I love you."

_

* * *

_

_If that didn't touch you then you don't have a heart. I had to add the Alice in Wonderland shirt cuz I just got one the other day and it's BEAST! Like I said in my profile, I'm in some twisted, freaky Sparxshipping phase so this just is part of it. I'll probably be writing more Sparxshipping stuff so, like, yeah. Pease review and see ya!_

_§ RoCk OuT §  
Bloom_

_P.S. Sorry for any mistakes_

**_Disclaimer: Song and Winx.  
Claimers: Storyline._**


End file.
